Ozzies love to think that they’re very sexually active; more so than people in any other country. We’re always in the mood, we always have fun, our men are always able to get it up, and we always do it the average number of times per week. They believe that they are a people who live to fuck all the time. They tell you so in their Women’s and Men’s magazines, in Fashion, Health and Sports magazines, in weekend newspapers and weekend newspaper supplements, in telly programs and on the radio. Every article and every program is very very suggestive of let’s have sex, did you orgasm last night, she/he looks like a good fuck. We’re just very broadminded, that’s all. Sorry if you are not as virile as us Ozzies. We Ozzies top the leaderboard there mate.

Well, hard luck mate cos it ain’t so. Ozzies stand 27th in world rankings on frequency of sex. Averaging 103 times a year. Down from 2003’s 16th world ranking. And, mate, you’re even worse than your Sheilas. They do 106 against you guys’ 101. And, wait, there’s more – the Kiwis stand on 12th!

Perhaps a local study will prove those figures wrong ? No way , mate. One such found most Aussies do it less than 2 times a week. Last month, 25% adult Ozzies haven’t had sex. Well, now that it’s out, Ozzies explain that they’re an overworked nation. 25% men and 50% women say they’re too tired and stressed to do it ! Overworked?... Ozzies ?